Well, it has been an interesting last two weeks. I apologize for such and overdue update, yet my life has taken a few interesting twists and turns lately.
Things have improved at work, however, things did not go as they looked like they were going. I am indeed surprised on how easily people can manipulate situations for their own means and when TRUTH is displayed as clear as a sunny day, denial is just around the corner like a dark stormy cloud. I have learned quite a bit from this experience and the results from it. If I had more of an attachment to the outcome, the results would have bothered me a bit more then they do. However, as a good friend has stated to me, I was only meant to start the process and that someone else will come down the road and complete it.
So what does this all mean? Well, I was not sure how I was going to be able to work in such discomfort. However, out of all the bad that has happened in the last two weeks my light at the end of the tunnel was revealed. I was accepted into the Applied Museum Studies program at Algonquin College in Ottawa. This was very uplifting news and just another sign that Nathaniel and I are heading in the right direction. We were going to move to Ottawa in the summer regardless of whether I got into the program or not. We would have just gotten jobs, an apartment and start from there. However, this is a very nice incentive and another direction for me to go and continue my studies in the historical field. It may not be the PhD program I once thought I would do, but I feel that being in a more hands on program with opportunities to educate the general public about history is much more appealing to me then living in a dark dank office in the deepest corners of a university under pressure to get articles and books written for a select audience with the next amount competitive funding available.
Don't get me wrong. I enjoyed my experience as a Masters student and met some very interesting people. However, during that year I under went a spiritual transformation that helped to me come out of my shell and live in the world. Being an academic is nice, however, it was more of an escape for me from people and the hurt they can inflict on people. Yet, I realized that year, that people get hurt in all kinds of ways no matter how much of a loner you decide to be. At one point, I lived for spending hours reading and writing papers and doing homework, I had a very little social encounters with people. I am surprised I was even in relationships with people. However, over time I felt a restlessness and would start to come out of my shell (My Astrological sign is Cancer for the reference) and socialize more, get hurt, scared and revert back. That was pretty much my university experience. However my Masters year started a new tidal wave of growth. During that year, I started meditation and meeting people with similar beliefs as myself. I also met my husband, Nathaniel during that time. His energy and desire for life really helped to push my forward and question what I really wanted. I was relieved when I did not get into the PhD program I wanted because I was beginning to feel I needed to breathe and take the exploration of myself further.
Now, I still do revert to old ways of hiding from the world. However, I am much more comfortable with myself. For I do not see myself as hiding from the world when I do go into that mode but more of taking a break from it all.
Speaking of which, I have lazed around all morning time to shower and get outside for exploring!
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