One of the reasons why I have failed twice at blogging before was my lack of consistency. I was never good at updating them regularly or making it part of my daily/weekly routine. I think it was more because at the time my life was boring and I lacked to ability to state my views or thoughts without fear of criticism etc. For a good twenty three years, I was able to make my voice small which allowed me to go pretty much unnoticed by others because I wanted to avoid conflict. Also, for a long time I thought my opinions and thoughts didn't matter. I was not really encouraged by people around me to speak up and when I did, I got some pretty strange looks.
I was diffidently hanging out with the wrong people at that time.
That was two years ago. Two years ago I decided that I was tried of being a shadow of myself and playing small to those around me.
Around that time the decision to choose which Masters program I was going to attended was fast approaching. Would I move to Waterloo or stay at Nipissing and be the first to attend/graduate(which I did) from the first year of the Master of Arts - History program? I was in a conflicted state. On top of that, my live in boyfriend of two and a half years, did not really cared what I did; however he did make it clear that if I moved he would not be going with me. Nice. I choose to go to Nipissing. Then two weeks later I came home from work, walked into my bedroom, woke my boyfriend up and broke it off with him. He moved out the next day.
When I look back over the last two years and a bit and the many things that happened after that, I still see that moment as the moment when I choose to be 100% me. I was not intending to break it off with him at the time - I was considering talking things out. It was not like anything was wrong between us or we were fighting. I just got this overwhelming feeling as I walked in the door that night, that I had to make a decision and stop prolonging what was inevitable.
Of course, even the breaking up it is not easy and the months after that were HELL. But I got through them and came out on the other side - a new person. Actually she had always been there but she just merely existed but now she decided to BE.
Ha! Pardon me for the rant. I may do that from time to time. Review an experience from my past to reflect upon moments that helped push me be where I am today.
So back to the 'Consistency' title. My goal this week is to write a blog every night this week to help make this part of my routine as well as get used to sharing my voice with others. Over the past two years my voice has gotten stronger and when I went Vegan I felt it strengthen more. However, I still get hesitant and quiet, especially when I am around people who are not Vegan and who enjoy giving their views on it and why they could never make that change.
This is where my activism begins. In strengthening my voice, I will be consistent in sharing with others who I am, what I feel, believe and think.
Thank you
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